oh to be 2 again when the world revolved around a good job m&m

So, I am quite the talker...I usually write like I talk...so why do I find blogging so hard. In response to my concern, that I have nothing interesting to blog about, a friend of mine said I need to take the ordinary and make it interesting. Humm...so here goes.

If you know me at all you will know that I am totally a visual person...i see thoughts...I think in pictures and for the most part I hear from God in pictures. So, my newest picture is funny. It is of a little child, potty training and m&ms. Go with me for a moment.

I stink at trusting people...I am overly observant and completely analytical...those characteristics mixed with mild to moderate trust issues are a recipe for disaster. So, needless to say this is where God and I live...trust. Everyday I am learning to trust Him more, believe Him more and, you guessed it, trust Him more.

Curious about the Kid/potty/m&m thing...I am getting there.

You see I have learned to surrender the big things and even the little things but it is the stuff in the middle I seem to struggle with. There is a medium sized situation in my life that I constantly surrender...in the past I have failed at this and it was painful...so I am trying really hard to get it right...I learned that getting it right is simply understanding that God is the only one who can. So, again the daily surrender is key.

Well, it was just recently that I realized...yes surrendering is drawing me nearer and deeper but I have a hidden expectation. Every time I trusted God with this I expect Him to reward me. Not just bless me because of faith and trust no like a serious...Good job here you go type thing. That is when it hit me I was the toddler...and every time I used the potty like a big girl...I expected an m&m. When I was not getting the m&ms I started to get mad. So, I would in essence "stop using the potty" you see there are several problems with this 1st I am an adult and I should not be rewarded for doing what I am supposed to do as an adult and second...does it really punish God if I don't use the potty...no I just start to stink & get really uncomfortable!!! Seriously ridiculous analogy but that is how I learn sometimes. It was like God saying...ok Michaela...you are off milk...you have been on meat for a while...I won't let you go back! There is more of me and I want you to experience it all. So, as Paul said keep running the race...put off hindrances...and in my language don't look for the little m&m when God has a feast waiting for you...the search for what I think I need is just a hindrance!

SO, for my first post I wanted something epic...I have got nothing!

I guess the biggest thing in my world right now is the idea of bigger...more to come...wildest dream dreams, and anticipation.

In the last months I have finally made the transition from a young excited kid to a young excited adult...at 25! Bought a house got serious about the gym, consistent in my studies and began the prep for my masters program.

Yesterday, I had an amazing conversation with someone who just said flat out that she sees so much more for me! She said things like leader and city wide influence and missions...I was overwhelmed and challenged...why was I not dreaming these dreams for myself? Why was I comfortable with common place adventure-less life?

I am excited to lay my doubt before the father...and seek His vision again for my life...even if it scars me or seems too big...I will trust Him and beg for the desires to want what he wants!!!

Unredeemed - song by Chad Cates...amazing...says that the darkest, most panful places are the places where grace is...the second verse say for all choices that lead to shame and all the love that never came, for all the vow people have broke, and all the lives that gave up hope, we live in the shadow of the fall but the cross says these are all places where grace is soon to be so amazing, they may be unfulfilled they may be unrestored but when anything that is shattered is laid before the Lord just watch and see you will not be unredeemed!!!

I love this!!! I love His promise to us and the chance that He may uses us to be His grace meeting others in these places!

So for epic...this is it!